Fast Five Review: The Great Wall (2016)

mattdamonthegreatwallThe Great Wall
2016 | M | Action

The Great Wall of China: it took 1700 years to build, and it’s 5500 miles long. What were the ancient Chinese trying to keep out? Probably Matt Damon. Unperturbed, he stars in this clunky but colourful film about trust, courage – and skewering lots of monsters. Yeah.

1) Did you like it?

2) Why?

Oh gosh. Where to begin? Okay – let’s start with the positive things about The Great Wall. It’s a larger than life film, with great special effects, cool costumes and a huge cast. No really – I mean huuuge – there’s barely room to move on top of the CGI-ified Great Wall! There’s also lots of pretty scenery to look at.

great wall

As for what’s not-so-great about The Great Wall – well, that’s pretty much everything else. This film is as close as it gets to being one big, long action scene – which is a problem, because in the spaces between action scenes, you’ll realise how seriously undercooked the characters are. Matt Damon’s character and his sidekick, played by Pedro Pascal make a good team when they’re fighting monsters – but that’s the only time they seem at home in this film. The film’s constant action sequences get tedious after a while…and as for the plot, you’ll forget it five minutes after the credits roll.

3) You’ll enjoy this movie if…

Look, maybe I’m being unfair. I should have said at the start that I’m not a fan of action movies. You might enjoy this film if you’re really into action films. Maybe. Watch it and prove me wrong!

4) This movie made me think about…

The budget for The Great Wall was a whopping $150 million. Moonlight, which I reviewed last week, cost $1.5 million dollars to make. Sigh...

5) Overall rating?

1-star

 

 

(For the record, I briefly considered a half-star rating, but it meant I’d have had to create a new graphic. One star it is then!)

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